Grief for your child is most profound. Its been 5 months. I’m beginning to understand, at least for myself, healing is a spiritual idea that involves an active process. Time does not heal. " Psalms 34:18 says The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Yet, I don’t think God in his infinite love, is saying he will shoulder all the responsibility to heal my heart regardless of my prayers. No, I’m pretty certain he expects me, with his help, to actively help myself. I strongly believe he knows it will be a process over time, and my faith will carry me through, to get me where I need to go. I still feel numb, like the world has suddenly come to a halt. But I’ve been told that’s normal, and actually a good thing for a time. Numbness helps to insulate, in order to cope with reality. I need to participate in the healing, rather than wait, ignore, or find diversions. There is no honor to suffer in silence. I need movement. These are going to be baby steps for sure, but just making the decision has moved my inner spirit. I feel hopeful. The death of Roxanne has changed my life forever, there is no doubt. But perhaps, I can learn to live with the grief, learn from it. And in doing so, it may lead to my wholeness. And maybe that wholeness will be something entirely different from what I had before losing Roxanne, I don't know. Or perhaps I was never really whole to begin with, and this journey will lead me to a better place, a renewed peace and contentment I’ve not known before. Time does not heal. But healing does take time. I do want the sun to come out tomorrow. I don't want to live in such despair all the days of my life. I am hopeful 2012 will move me towards a renewed sense of meaning and purpose to my life.